Yesterday started off well enough, and found out by mid day that the boss was giving all of us a week off and closing the office for a week. Wow, I thought as I know I would still have to work from home, but what to do with all the spare hours in the day over the next week?

The feeling didn’t last long as I hadn’t stepped inside, and took a seat at my desk when I heard a ping and Toddy’s son was reaching out to me. A moment later, a very firm knock on my door and an Officer standing on my porch.

They had received a call from the UK that my father in law had died, and no one could reach us. I explained to the officer that yes I am my social media name, and thought to myself, good thing I had changed it.

I first met my father in law George back in 2010 when I went to the UK the second time to meet Toddy. We shared the same birthday, as well as Toddy’s other son and a friend of mine and another relative of his. Let’s just say July 28th is a popular day in the Todd households. But he immediately nick named me American Lil and it stuck. That’s who I was to him and I treasured hearing it. Its one thing to choose an online name , another to be gifted an online gaming name (thanks Shadowspawn) and simply another to be given a new “family name.” I did use to use it on FB but changed it at some point to just my first and middle name, which was confusing to Officer Friendly.

I told him that I was in contact with my (step son sounds odd) but legally that’s what I am, though I prefer Step “lil”. He took our names and my phone number which I assume for his log. I found out only today it was Toddy’s mother who called, while I was reaching out to his sister to find out what we could, which was not much.

George like any typical English man of his day, was nothing if not modest and self deprecating. He was wheel chair bound but that didn’t stop him from enjoying life. I remember meeting him and seeing his fly fishing awards, and he spent most of his time in Thailand with his “Pippa” a lovely younger lady who cared for him deeply. George would spend 6 months with her, then off for a day to Cambodia, then back to Thailand. Apparently health care is 100x better in Thailand, than the NHS and I can vouch for that with my own dealings with them for Toddy.

While I was speaking to the Officer, I told him my husband was still at work, and he told me to let it wait until he got home, but I know my Toddy, so I let him know that his father died, but we don’t know anything more. I tried to find his brother to no avail, even though I had 8 years of old messages to go through.

My best friend had called me to let me know about her meeting with her divorce lawyer and I filled her in, so she switched gears and went to the State Store to grab a bottle of wine, and headed over.

Toddy had a rough ride home, but I figured he needed the time to grieve privately before he walked in the door. I got him settled, food ordered, and poured everyone a glass of wine while we tried to sort out what the plans were. All I knew was there was a slight problem, as Toddy had misplaced his passport, and in times of crisis it doesn’t take much to set someone off.

Toddy was hesitant to talk to his son, because he said he wasn’t allowed. Phht, I told him Aydon reached out to him, so he could talk to him as I have kept in touch with him over the years. It took a while, and with a 5 hour time difference I handed him my phone with the messenger app going and he went off to his man cave to talk to him and heal both their hearts.

I went back to discussing the other aforementioned discussion, as I’ve been friends with both of them and took care of their kids, and her husband use to joke that I was his “other wife.” But I also know the reality of their marriage, so I do help her with the necessary financial analysis to take to her lawyer. While this was going on I started to hear some laughter coming from the other room. Underneath it all his family is a wreck, his brother is lost in a drug addiction to MDMA, Toddy’s ex wife , his son’s mom is in an institution, his other son, from his first marriage is on the streets after a college project to spend the night like a homeless person, and he finished the assignment, per se..but stayed. Things are not going well for the family unit, and I could see the hesitation to return to the UK rise.

I finally had to break up the family reunion, as I reminded Toddy that Aydon (at 17) is a primary teacher, and it was 3 a.m. and he is going to end up taking a nap with the kiddos. We finally stopped for the night, wished my friend well, and we went to bed.

But I wasn’t quite done, and I reached out to Pippa on FB to thank her for all she had did for George. Suddenly my phone rang, and all I heard was heart breaking sobbing from Pippa. Fortunately her English speaking neighbor from the UK was with her, who use to reside in the US for a while.

He told me that Pippa had just returned after spending 6 months with George just 2 weeks prior and she can’t get a Visa to return for his funeral as she isn’t married to him. He told me if I spoke in short slow sentences she could understand me. So I once again, thanked her for everything, and put her on with Toddy as well. I hope what we said helped and could ease her pain for the moment, but we all heal in our own time. Her neighbor John got back on the phone, as he knew George well, and said it was just a shame about his accident back in the day that put him in the wheel chair. At that point I told him that it happened at work, and George had saved his friends life, by pushing him out of the way of the falling machinery and took the hit himself, that paralyzed him. He said he never know that, as he didn’t talk about that part of the story. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, that the friend drank himself to death out of guilt, because you never want heroic actions to be for nothing, but in my heart and knowing him, he would have done it all over again regardless of the outcome. He was just that decent of a man.

While his death is devastating, it is healing rifts that have gone on way too long. Toddy is nervous about seeing his ex-family, but I reminded him I’m his family and he has a lovely life here. But I’m also letting him work through this on his own, and he’s coming to the conclusion between bouts of not knowing what to do, but then wanting to see his son, and me finding his passport finally, that has set the wheels in motion.

So as I sat at home alone today, doing what I do, and cleaning up from the night before, there was a small bit of wine left in my glass. I toasted George, his life, his legacy and said good bye to American Lil, but she’ll still be there in my heart.