It’s been three years today since my friend Jennifer died, too soon and they say as long as you are remembered than you’re never truly gone. This week starts a gamut of friends and Simon that I lost, my break up with my ex, and why I stopped writing and went back to gaming.

Well, now its time that I focus on my writing and remembering what brought me back. So here’s to you Jen..always remembered.

 

Jul 10, 2009

current mood:sad

It just seems lately that every time I think to write a new blog, its overshadowed by yet another death.

Today’s mail brought news of another friend of mine, who has died, entirely too early, Jennifer was only 47 and hard to believe we won’t see her smile and her beautiful eyes shining anymore.

I wrote to her family offering my condolences, the services are private as they deal with their loss. I try to count the years, that Jennifer and I were friends, I’ve known her since grade school, but we became close over 20 years ago. I still smile at the picture I have in my house of all of us S.L.O.P girls, a send off we did for our gay friend Michael when he moved to California. I have to admit it was my idea to dress us all in lingerie and pig noses and head to Olen Mills to have a professional group picture done. Jennifer was 9 months pregnant at the time, so we opted out of the lingerie but kept the pig noses. All I can say is the photographer at the studio gamely went along with a group of eight women, wearing pig noses, and holding a banner declaring Sexy Ladies of Pigmology with various inside joke items on display. We ordered several 8×10 copies and we put Jennifer in the second row to hide her belly, and not too long afterward we welcomed her daughter Victoria, and a few years later a son Derek.

Jennifer and I remained friends as others fell apart, and as she changed salons I would find her, sometimes I would just go to her home and fix her computer, and she would fix my hair. She’s the first one to give me “Just a few highlights” and I returned weeks later, for “More” and thus my penchant for going blond in the summer. She was always amazed at the chemicals I could put on my head and not come to her bald. I was just thinking of her weeks ago, that we hadn’t see each other in a while or heard any news. This was not the news I wanted to hear.

Jennifer was close to her sisters, and understood what I always went through with mine. We should have been close, having gone through the same experiences but we are so far apart on views, and my perspective that she’s resented me from birth, its been an uphill battle. Things have changed for the better in the last few months and I wondered at my sister’s about face.

So I was surprised to get a phone call from my sister moments ago to see if I had heard. Yes I told her, but I wondered at the cause, and why the services were private.

She shared with me that lately Jennifer had been drinking heavily, and the cause of death was alcohol poisoning. Jennifer was the President of the Woman’s Auxiliary for the Knights of Columbus, and she worked tirelessly for the organization. My sisters next words brought some light on the subject of a personal matter.

My sister said, “You know Pam, every time I saw Jennifer she asked about you, and wanted to know how you were. She told me all the time to be nicer to you because its all about family.”

I asked how often my sister saw her, and she said every few weeks, and my niece Ashley saw Victoria all the time on campus. The family is still in shock and it would have been nice to allow us to say goodbye to her graveside, but they chose to keep their grief private.

As word spreads of her death, I know she is going to be judged as I have already heard it from some. How terrible it is to drink yourself to death, what legacy she leaves her kids.

Well I’ll tell you. If her children grow to be half the woman she was, then nothing will stop them. Jennifer was fearless when it came to her family and if you were a friend, you couldn’t ask for better.

It is my belief that it was Jennifer’s influence on my sister that explains the recent changes and kindness my sister has shown to me lately. Jennifer was the sister I probably should have had, but I am indebted to her for bringing my sister closer to me, even when she was suffering from her own demons. I wish she would have shared those with me, but I know her, and when you are perceived to be as strong as she was, she wouldn’t burden her family or friends, she thought she could handle it.

Jennifer isn’t suffering anymore, and her sisters and family will have to find a way to go on without her strength, but if they are anything like their mom, they’ll be surrounded by the love of their friends and the light that always showed through in her beautiful blue eyes.

Rest in Peace Jen, you will be missed, and from the bottom of my heart to the top of yours, Thank you.