This came up in conversation today, first as a smart ass question, and I gave a smart ass answer to the person that asked it. Well smart ass as in what I would write on his. We’ve all seen those clever ones over the years or purported to be attributed to great minds. Here’s a couple in case you’ve missed them;

The body of Benjamin Franklin, printer (like the cover of an old book, its
contents worn out, and stript of its lettering and gilding) lies here, food for
worms. Yet the work itself shall not lost, for it will, as he
believed, appear once more In a new and more beautiful
edition, corrected and amended by its Author

I am ready to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter
Winston Churchill

“That’s All Folks!”
Mel Blanc

In any event you get the point, the last imprint we will make will be inscribed in granite to mark our final resting place. I know we don’t want to think about how we are going to die, I can only hope my last words are going to be something along the lines of ” Oh God..I’m cummmm” well, you get the picture. Though it will suck to be the guy(s) that I am with when it happens…lol. Ok, move along.

But as our conversation continued, I really started thinking about it because its one thing that I haven’t pondered in the last few years to my recollection. Lord knows I don’t want to leave it up to my friends, because it would be the ultimate payback for some of the practical jokes I’ve played over the years, but I would want something to summarize who I was, and I doubt anyone is going to get carpal tunnel scripting a blog on my stone. I picture some tall four sided obelisk with writing filling each square inch. Instead of evoking fond memories for the visitors, someone is going to say..Shut up already, you’re dead! So that isn’t quite the impact I want to make.

I’m not attempting to be morbid, just practical. We as adults take the time to write a will, maybe if you’re a type A personality, you already have your obituary written, because god forbid you leave it up to that idiot brother of yours, who can’t remember to zip up his fly when he leaves the bathroom, and you think he’s going to get your death notice correct in ink? Hardly. Even though I am an organ donor, they still have to cremate the rest of me, and plop those ashes somewhere, so I will have to arrange my final resting place.

Interestingly enough as I write this L.A. Ink is on in the background, I have to laugh. Jenna Jameson, porn star extraordinaire, has come in to get a tattoo of Joan of Arc’s last words, “I am not afraid, this is what I’m born to do .” Now I am not going to judge Jenna by her past and how she’s made millions, but there is a huge difference in the sacrifices Joan of Arc made for religious convictions, and what Jenna was “born to do” and share with millions world wide. Jenna is very impressed with herself, and good girl you’ve done well financially, but hold your claim, and I quote” Don’t fuck with Jenna.” Begging your pardon ma’am but I don’t think you can count the number of men and women you’ve fucked, so if your thinking those should be your last words, it will be nothing if not ironic.

Sorry about going down that bunny trail, but back to my point at hand.

I think by the end of my conversation though, I had hit on it, and it was kind of simple. It would be my name, birth date, death date and simply inscribed in quotes underneath. ” But I wasn’t done yet” where of course some smacked ass could say, ‘Yeah you are”, but I think in my mind, I’ve always wanted to be someone who will live a very long life. Genetically its possible, on my paternal side, we live well into our 90’s and 100’s. I checked my lifeline on my hand though, and I think I only have about 30 or so years left.

But the point remains. I don’t think I ever will have seen everything there is to see, learn everything there is to learn, and help everyone I possibly can. Even when life is kicking my ass as its want to do at times lately, I know around the corner is my turn to grab life right back by the balls, and give it a good squeeze, so it pops out at both ends. Fortunately for my own set of beliefs, I kind of side with Mr. Franklin, and I believe our energy is just put back into the cosmos and re energized whether its in another soul, and regardless of the timeline, we will find our circle of souls again in another lifetime.

So what’s your epitaph going to be? I could just stick with the blog title and have on the stone, “I Was Naked When I Wrote This” as well, that would be kind of fitting and lord knows the truth as well.

🙂

Original post date 2007-10-28