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i was naked when i wrote this

i was naked  when i wrote this

Monthly Archives: October 2011

Give Me Grace

12 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by witqueen in Uncategorized

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Grace, Life

I was intrigued and at once argumentative with myself today when I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a pickup truck.

Simply put it was GRACE HAPPENS, green letters on a white background. My first reaction was phht…as Shit Happens, but grace certainly does not. Grace has alot of definitions, more so than I called to mind before I let my fingers do the walking online. Fortunately it doesn’t have as many meanings as Aloha but here goes:

Definition of GRACE

1a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

2a : approval, favor <stayed in his good graces> b archaic : mercy, pardon c : a special favor : privilege <each in his place, by right, not grace, shall rule his heritage — Rudyard Kipling> d : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e : a temporary exemption : reprieve

3a : a charming or attractive trait or characteristic b : a pleasing appearance or effect : charm <all the grace of youth — John Buchan> c : ease and suppleness of movement or bearing

4—used as a title of address or reference for a duke, a duchess, or an archbishop

5: a short prayer at a meal asking a blessing or giving thanks

6 plural capitalized : three sister goddesses in Greek mythology who are the givers of charm and beauty

7: a musical trill, turn, or appoggiatura

8a : sense of propriety or right <had the grace not to run for elective office — Calvin Trillin> b : the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful

Now having played the piano, I forgot about number 7 but I’ll skip this one as I don’t think the bumper sticker had anything to do with a musical trill.

I’ll have to don my Christian headpiece for a moment, *forms quick tinfoil hat, places on head* to channel my inner Methodist. It’s a bit dusty but I can recall enough to form an opinion.  I’ll forsake my other tinfoil hat with a pout that I won’t be discussing definition 4, unless someone wants to call the Witqueen “Your Grace”

Anyone? No? Ok moving on.

When I saw the bumper sticker I wanted to find the owner and explain that “grace” certainly not does not just happen. I’m also a bit miffed that the definition demands that “grace” itself is a divine assistance to humans from God. But like the bible the dictionary is just another book developed by the same human race, so in all fairness there are some things accepted because they are written down, without question by those that ascribe to it. Wait did I just infer I don’t believe in the dictionary? Well, at least the dictionary changes over time with the times as cultural and society demands. Fortunately other documents are held to their intent as written including holy words and our Constitution whether we agree with it or not.

But for me, grace is a learned skill, but it isn’t one that gets better with experience. If you are of the praying type, the one thing you have to learn (remember I have my Christian hat on atm) is that when one is asking God for assistance, one said Divine Creator does have a sense of humor. If you find yourself asking for guidance, don’t do this to yourself: “Dear God, Please give me strength to get through this. Amen” God will immediately give you seven more challenges to make you stronger. He’s funny that way. Instead opt for the more divine: “Dear God, Please give me grace to get through this. Amen” See what you did there? According to Merion, Webster and the like, you need his divine interference to give you the ability to weather your troubles without asking for something you already have (strength) and haven’t employed on your own.

Eventually I tried to locate where this Grace Happens bumpersticker came from. At best it may be from a addiction site, I didn’t see the actual sticker I saw today. But as addiction is a struggle, so is having to ask for grace and not only asking for it, but being able to live with the consequences.

Face it, we’re only human. We have internal struggles, weakness, imperfections; we take a lot on being top of the food chain. Some people can’t even handle eating meat, while others like me can’t bear eating most cooked vegetables.  Throw succotash on my plate or a lima bean, and I won’t say grace, no how, no way, I’m not thankful.

Sometimes problems are just too big for the everyday human to handle, if you look outside the scope of your own little world. We get on our bandwagons, blogs, social media sites, and because we have the ability to now instantly voice our thoughts online, (because who really took the time to write to the editor of their newspaper and wait for it to be published back in the day), we can add our voice to the cacophony online and if we’re lucky get a heated thread going. Inflame your neighbor! Start a revolution, Troll for the win! Gratz!

The problem is, everyone is talking, no one is listening and mayhem is abounding.

The economy is in shambles, the government really doesn’t have a clue (vote Ron Paul) and I think in the great big scope of things, it wasn’t our intent to end up this way. That’s the shit that happens, on the road to good intentions. But again, that stupid road always leads to hell. Why? Did we miss a right hand turn at logic and sanity? Can’t we get a divine GPS that calls out from the sky, “RECALCULATING” to give us a bit of clue? Or is it this damn Free Will that was bestowed on us that the creator won’t mess with, just so we learn our own lessons.

If we don’t learn our lessons, and make the same mistakes over and over and we don’t have the fortitude to ask for grace, then grace comes in another format, the coups de grâce.  This of course is from the French literally meaning, stroke of mercy but with a finality that isn’t in our best interest. But beside some good crusty bread and some wine, I’ll leave the French be, c’est la vie.

I would be lying if I said I don’t periodically ask for grace. I do. These are very trying times, but in all fairness, the world has been since the first amoeba fought for its spot in the primordial goo that formed this world. We live on earth, not Utopia, and as a race we put too much on ourselves looking for a perfect set of circumstances that we can all abide and live by. We have to be thankful that life is cyclical, and the only thing constant is change. But I hope for all of you to have the grace and forbearance to get through your challenges, and realize how empty of a life it would be if it were perfect. Grace is finding that ability to be content while we work through life. With grace comes peace. With peace we find purpose. This after all is the meaning of life.

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace- only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us” A. Lamont

I’m Back..

04 Tuesday Oct 2011

Posted by witqueen in Uncategorized

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I’m Back...

I’m Back..

04 Tuesday Oct 2011

Posted by witqueen in Uncategorized

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Two years and four months ago, I put my pen down and picked up my avatar and went off to game. Gone was my ability to be snarky and jab at the insanity that surrounds us daily. My heart was broken, I felt betrayed, and four deaths in a row, including my faithful cat Simon, took a lot out of me. Where better to bury yourself than online gaming?

I was also in a huff as I went to log into shoutpost one day and the site was simply gone. No warning, no email, just two years of writing *poof*

Fortunately I had backed up most of it on Myspace and was able to grab cached versions of it on Google. I debated dragging all my old blogs over here, but for now Myspace is holding steady, unless the evilness that Facebook is, figures out how to completely control the web. If anyone is placing bets..its a sure thing. I have a fear that I will wake up one day with a little blue F on my ass with Like underneath it, while my husband and cats point and laugh dramatically. We are Facebook, you have been assimilated…

But I digress, and I do that a lot. Point is, I buried myself in gaming. I pulled myself away before, knowing the addiction it is. For ten years I avoided the lure of slashing, shooting, or watching jewels drop and match at least three in a row. But I found a new “free” (how I laugh at that now) venue of browser games. When free to play means, no monthly fees to log in, and if anyone wants to know how China has risen economically, ask any gamer. Billions of dollars are spent globally to buy virtual money, to enhance virtual items online. Sure I have an avatar with a heroic g10 cloak, but that doesn’t stop me from getting beat..oh the silly things we do to entertain ourselves.

I would say that after two years and four months and did I mention $8000.00 later? I decided that enough was enough, and while some of you may be gasping at that amount, it really boils down to *gets calculator out to justify* $83.00 a week on entertainment. Or roughly speaking a movie, popcorn, pretzel bites and  two large sodas.

To  justify my spending further..it is where I met my husband.

Now before you get the geek gamer in mind,no,  we don’t dress up in our gear and hit the cos-play arena. As everything in life, our meeting started out simple enough, I was playing a war game and I noticed a particular guy irritating my alliance members by destroying their cities and annihilating their troops.I would whisper him to tell him to stop, which only spurred him on more.  I was more interested in what goes on behind the scenes, and I never take myself seriously in game. However I did deploy  my inherent Nancy Drew sleuthing skills (a.k.a intel and detective work) to stay alive and maybe one eye on world chat to see if he was around.

I was logged in at work (shhhh) and I saw him poking at someone or another, so I sent a public  message in world chat hoping to impress him with my knowledge, and promptly  blew it. If ever you are on Jeopardy, the correct answer if asked who is Sweeney Todd? the answer is: Who is the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, not  The Barber of Seville. I’m lucky Sweeney didn’t send  100k scout bombs (which was alot back then) and take my city for being a plunk, or another one of those fabulous expressions I’ve come to know so well.  However, we still argue over what a “fanny” is.  Fast forward to our own reality show  living on Skype, sleeping with my laptop beside me, accruing miles and living with a five hour time difference, we finally tied the knot. Now we are getting to know the Department of Homeland Security on a personal level.  Beside my mini the other British import in my life beside my Toddy.  He’s pretty much the same in real life as he is in game, except for the multiple times I watch my cat climb up his shoulder and wrap her little paws around his neck, and snuggle into his beard. Warriors are fearsome using catapults, not kittehs as scarves.

Online gaming persona’s are fascinating to say the least. I don’t care who you are, you can’t pretend to be something you aren’t online. Its too hard to keep it up if it isn’t a part of your personality, or personality disorder. Case in point, as much as I thought I keep my private self private, and only show people what I want them to see, a very small handful have the courage to delve deeper..then call me out on it. Not in a bad way, but while I was searching for a new name, a good friend in game  volunteered a name for me. It is from a Salvatore novel, and I never have figured out if it was a compliment or insult once I researched it. I still choose to take it as a positive.

Face it, we are who we want to be depending on any given situation in real life or online. Personally I would like some incidental music warning potential strangers or co-workers exactly what they are walking into when I stare at them in my path on any given Monday. I wish I could state that  life is easier in game, but after spending the last two years going through highs and lows with others in my league,  I’m now convinced the Chinese have built a huge skinner box, and someone is using it as the worlds biggest thesis on society as a whole. If they take copious notes and catch every nuance for their reader..they’ll get an A+.

For over two year (and counting) I am exposed to a whole new world of people with one thing in common. Kill or be killed, align and/or figure out who you can trust and who you can’t. Everyone shares log ins, the only way you can know who you are dealing with is if you get to know the person intimately and suss out if its them or not. I have to say, I never gave anyone my log in, though I hold multiple ones now. What started out as me finding a little online game, turned into becoming host of my own  alliance and having a lot of those gamers follow me into four, or is it five, different games on multiple servers. One things for certain..I’m a good leader, not that I had any doubts, but its always good to have positive reinforcement. I’ve heard of people actually listing ‘ hosting alliance’ on their resumes, and as geeky as it sounds..I understand. Say the wrong thing and you can upset your team member, and they can turn into a liability quickly and in the next moment you are under attack.

But that brings the old adage to mind, the pen is mightier than the sword. This blog is not and won’t be  about changing your mind, it is just  my views of the world. There’s another old saying, ” Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive.”  Also to clarify my blog site, it is two fold. I write when I can’t sleep, normally between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m…and yep I’m nekkid and ye, I also am exposing myself online which at anytime is fodder for comments and other peoples opinions. I’ll moderate comments on this as I see fit because, Hey! It’s my blog.

I’m not sure I’ll get all my followers back that I had on Shoutpost, but if you’ve read this far, thank you. I write about whatever is on my mind, in the news, or odd things I find amusing. I hope you will too. But now..I have an itch trigger finger and some role-playing to get out of my system.

*drops virtual pen, stalks off to go kill more things*

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